Hi Everybody - I'm Ted, and I'll be blogging occasionally for Professor Deneen. You see, he's gotten very busy so he hired me as a "Lifestyle Manager." You probably think I'm kidding, but we're for real - so real that there was an article about us today in the Washington Post.
Basically, your upscale urban professional types have gotten so busy living the good life in the suburbs - you know, those places where they could lead the simple country life - that they don't have time to do those pesky little things like changing the channels for their pets, or putting together photo albums of the family, or buying birthday cards for their kids. So, to help out, these busy folks are hiring people like me - Ted - to do that kind of thing for them. Professor Deneen told me that blogging is taking up a lot of his time, so he asked if I could help with that, plus grading some of his papers and preparing some of his lectures. And, I'm also playing catch and reading bedtime stories to his kids - gosh, today I even measured their height on the door jamb. I guess he has other really important things to do, like watch "American Idol" and use the stairmaster, and I'm just glad that I can help out for only $100 an hour.
Of course, I've heard him muttering a few things about the whole "lifestyle manager" profession, which I don't really get since he hired me to do things like write recommendations for his students. He said it's a sign of "the end times" - whatever that means - and something about people being too rich and lazy for their own damn good. And something about some guy named Wendell Berry (or maybe a girl? Sounds kind of like a sissy), who apparently said that if people could make a steamshovel that could pick up a dime for them - as well as give their kids a bath - they would do it. I don't don't know what that's all about - I just keep out of his way when he starts mumbling like that. Besides, who the hell would let a steam shovel give their kids a bath?
Well, I have to sign off now, since I have to change the dog's channel while I give him a footbath and a manicure. Maybe I'll braid his tail hair while I'm at it. Phew! Sure beats working...